I Can Barely Breathe

Since I tend to spend too much time reading stuff online/in magazines about bands I like, I know things about bands I like.  For the last Man O album, Andy Hull decided to start smoking a lot in order to make his voice scratchier and rougher-sounding (but not like he swallowed gravel, like Nickelback).  While I do not at all condone trying that at home/work/school/etc., it did make him sound pretty ridiculously awesome.  I was always curious what would happen if I tried something like that, since my voice is kinda wimpy and I could use a little more gruff for the rock and roll band I'm starting sometime in the near future.  I don't really wanna smoke a pack a day for a rock and roll band that won't ever start, but I always thought that sometimes for about an hour after loading hogs, my voice sounded like it got hijacked by a chain smoker.  So, after 3 hours of fantastic time spent with satan's little playpals, I decided to give the singing thing a shot, mostly because I was driving a loud tractor back home and was therefore alone and soundproofed from the world.  Turns out, it kinda works.  I tried a little bit of shake it out, and yes, my voice was rougher and even had the thing where if I sort of sing badly it sort of sounds ok because I have no idea why but andy hull does it sometimes and its cool.  None of you reading this care at all about this topic.  But I thought it was cool to have a cool-sounding voice when I sang.  Now if only I could use that setting when I wanted without requiring time spent in the hog barns.

Ross Kenyon comes to mind

Ping pong is once again the official sport of the Bierma household, after it was temporarily replaced for 45 minutes last week by the throw-the-football-on-the-roof-and-try-to-catch-it-then-tackle-whoever-caught-it game.   I don't know why we suddenly became obsessed with ping pong again, but we're hooked.  Tim and I only played 13 games today.  We have a tally going, which includes two games from yesterday.  This is a very depressing tally, because of the 15 games, Tim has won ten.  How does that work?  I have no idea.  I used to beat him all the time, but then he came back from college with skills.  And its not that I lost my skills, because I think I got better, now that I can actually backhand a little.  He just suddenly is really good.  I asked if he plays a lot at Dordt, but he claims he doesn't play that often.  I think he built a robot in North's basement that trains him.  It's the only logical explanation.

Happy Chri- cough cough -stmas!

The benefit(s) of having friends who smoke

• When we go to Kevin's house (which is in Ocheyedan (which is far away (approximately 60 miles?))), they volunteer to drive so they can smoke, which means I don't use up gas

The downsides of having friends who smoke

• When we go to Kevin's house (which is in Ocheyedan etc. etc.), they volunteer to drive so they can smoke, which means I get to sit in a smoky car with open windows for two hours roundtrip in December, which is bad for my lungs, cold, and bad for my lungs. 
• Planning my vacation time in my early 60's around funerals for my cancer-ridden friends ( is that too dark to joke about?  I'm sorry if it is.  But I'm worried that it's true.)

Don't worry, I still love you guys.  Just not your firesticks.  Someday they'll find a cure.

for the record, this is not a rant.  this is in jest.  albeit truthful jest.


Not the Christmas blog you were hoping for? Maybe tomorrow

QWOP, the ill-trained, ill-coordinated man who obviously must be the only man in his country if he is in fact the best athlete in his country

It seems that every Christmas break I have so many things I'd like to do, but I never get done. In fact, I think I have an old blog somewhere about this exact same problem. This problem came to my attention once again as I just spent half an hour playing the impossibly difficult game of qwop (go look it up on google). The user controls a human trying to run a 100 meter race. However, you control his thighs and calves, which makes it more than a little difficult. my brother got 48.3 meters, which is the furthest of anyone I know. Granted, we and several of my friends who were introduced to it recently by our friend who just returned from Scotland are the only ones who know about it, but I'm still impressed. Apparently he's as good at virtual running as he is at real running. Anyways, its a superb time-waster and very frustrating, yet very addicting. I can even complete semi-normal strides instead of shuffling along on the ground like I used to. If I've spent that much time on this game that I'm beginning to succeed at it, I think that means I'm failing at quite a few other things, most notably, living life.

HTML rulez d00d

words

now that I've spent part of yesterday and a little of tonight slaving away ( not really at all, i quite enjoyed it and watched horton hears a who because it was on and it was nice and the part at the beginning with the monkeys was freaking hilarious) at attempting to learn html, I think I've made progress .

in order to test my newfound abilities,

1. i have decided to
2. produce this entire blog
3. by coding it in html
4. since blogger gives you that option and it's always made me curious

For those of you serious web programmers

_{yes i am a lowly noob}


but i am
learning and tha
t's what matters. I may not be very good yet,

but I'm having the time of my life

Note: that button, although very pressable, will only give you an error page, due to my lack of skill.

YOU CAN STILL PRESS IT IF YOU WANT

return to the top and read this blog again

Why Santa is overweight

While my roommate gently snoozes
Christmas spirit from me oozes
Spent yesterday just filling up
with cookies, pretzels, and other junk                         food
from the box my mother gave
that lasted nought but two short days
luckily, I've no  regrets
my stomach hasn't hurted yet
but soon all of this christmas cheer
will be coming out my ears
Two weeks from now, I'll be full
with more treats than I can hold
and though I know I should abstain
its hard when they're labeled with my name
so here I sit, longing for tastes
of sweets by my sweet mother made
and now a new box sits adjacent
betwixt the desk where I sit waiting
for the moment I'll give in
and sample every treat therein
but by her motherly attitude
a banana, apple, and orange she includes
knowing these won't be consumed
nearly as fast as the other foods
so what's a man supposed to do
when faced with so much tasty food?
puppy chow and frosted cookies
keep my eyes a' lookie-looking
it seems the only way to end
this problem is by digging in
and eating every bit of sweet
till there's nothing left for me
to gaze at, wishing I could eat
another box of tasty treats
Hope this one won't go so quick
else my stomach might be sick

Every ounce of motivation to study just left.  After a day and a half of (kind of) studying hard, Jon is ready for a break.  Inception will be played in our room at 9.  Until then, its looking like I will fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way (anyone? 10 bonus points).  That was going to be the merger between study and sleep, but its looking like i might not get back to studying before then.  And all I've studied for is circuits, which I really don't need to study for that much since I'm doing well in it anyways.  Diff. Eq.  (Differential Equations or Difficult Equations, depends who you ask), on the other hand, needs a lot of studying.  As of right now, I'm above the boundary between A and B by I'm not sure how much, but I'd really like to stay there.  Or maybe move up.  But the likelihood of that is about the same as the likelihood of my roommate listening to a little too much of the Trans-Siberian Orchestra while laying in his bed working on his photo II stuff and wearing a white sweatshirt.  Oh, wait....bad comparison.

Inception came out today/yesterday

who would win in a fight between a grilled cheese and a taco?

In Exile

I am in exile, a sojourner
A citizen of some other place
All I've seen is just a glimmer in a shadowy mirror
But I know, one day well see face to face

I am a nomad, a wanderer
I have nowhere to lay my head down
There's no point in putting roots too deep when I'm moving on
Not settling for this unsettling town

My heart is filled with songs of forever
The city that endures when all is made new
I know I don't belong here, I'll never
Call this place my home, I'm just passing through

I am a pilgrim, a voyager
I wont rest until my lips touch the shore
Of the land that I've been longing for as long as I've lived
Where they'll be no pain or tears anymore

My heart is filled with songs of forever
The city that endures when all is made new
I know I don't belong here, I'll never
Call this place my home, I'm just passing through

Public Service Announcement

you are not safe. it draws first blood at the malls and the stores, where it permeates the retailers. it crawls into your car and slaps you in the face, and you're too shocked to stop it.  it even sneaks into your home, first infecting one person, then relentlessly spreading through out your household until there is no use resisting.  you are not safe.  if it came any other month of the year, you'd laugh it off, maybe even indulge in it, just because you knew it was a single, isolated source.  but not now.  now it casts a shadow of something enormous on the horizon that can't be ignored any longer.   it slides in and inconspicuously nibbles your toes at night, and the next day it explodes in prevalence and bites off your arm (figuratively).  sure, pretty soon it'll be ok, everyone will be doing it, and then go ahead, immerse yourself in it.  the bad effects will be over, leaving only the joy it can bring. but until then, be on your toes.  if you are already infected, keep it to yourself; don't pass it on; we don't want it.  Yet.    the danger still lurks.  resist. 
you.
must.
resist.










christmas music in november

This is the only place I would ever consider quoting a Nickelback song, but only because it's cheesy and it fits the topic well

So two weeks? ago, a band with a couple Dordt guys and an alum played in the lobby of the new apartments/coffeeshop.  Dark am I, yet Lovely, they called themselves.  I guess its a little foggy at this point, but they played one of those many styles of music born in recent years which defies typical genre categorization.  A little bit of Brand New's darker sound, and little bit of rock and roll, all probably fitting somewhere in that indie realm of things.  Anyways, I really enjoyed them;  I thought they were something fresh.  Also, Dordt is absolutely devoid of bands.  So about anything would have sufficed for freshness, but these guys were actually good.  But seeing a band again stirred something in me.

I miss being in a band.  Don't get me wrong, if we had the chance to bring Here We Stand back, I would say no in a heartbeat.  We weren't very good and we weren't my style.  And we weren't very good.  But I miss having that creative outlet, that reason to write songs, the reason to dream.  I have little to no free time during college, so having room for practicing with a band is almost impossible.  On top of having no time for practice, I have little to no free time for writing words or music.  The idealist in me says that I should just have songs pouring out of me simply by living life, but the realist says that when I spend most hours of the day in class, doing homework, being in a few too many extracurriculars, and squeezing in a social life, I don't write songs.  I still think about it, but it doesn't come to me when I don't have time to sit down and plunk away at the guitar or do something with that line that's been running through my head all day.

The thing is, I still dream about being a "rock star", which, I assure you, is much different than the stereotypical image of  an 80's make-up wearing, perm-bearing headbanger.  This is the poor-guy-who-lives-in-a-less-than-civil apartment-with-4-of-his-friends-who-eat,-sleep,-and-breathe-music-simply-for-the-love-of-it kind of rock star.  How does that work for this logical-minded, play-it-as-safe-as-possible kid who would hardly sleep at night because he'd worry so much? I don't think it would.  Which saddens me (but not my bank account).  I don't really want to spend the rest of my life with my thoughts in the clouds about how awesome life would be if I could just make music instead of working a normal job.  But I also don't want to spend my life attempting to write song after song or giving up and getting a job I don't like instead of having a job I'm good at and enjoy.  Or maybe I'll just do both and stick it to the man.

my roommate said I needed to put pictures with my blogs

And yes, that is michael jordan in the background.  last name ever, first name greatest.

Just so everyone knows, I am not in charge of the room decor.  Especially not the gangsta ladder with a bandana.

crazocity

so i'm a little busy.

But you already knew that.

So there's this paper for Western Civ. about Augustine and his worldview and how Plato affected him.  I know it sounds like a pile of fun, but to be honest I haven't found out if it actually is yet.  Its due tomorrow and I've been putting it off because I've been trying to keep up in every other class, which means the 6 page paper gets saved for last when everything else is done.  In other words, today/tonight/todarrow(the part of night when it switches from today to tomorrow)/tomorrow will be fun.  Now I'm just delaying it more. I read through the excerpts and took notes and read about Augustine's life, so at least I have that done.  Now we've come to the part of the blog where I get over myself and start writing about what I actually was going to write about when I decided to write.  But now I can't remember.

Convicted?

Hm..how to say this..

I have no idea what to do with my life.

"Hey Jon, I though you were an engineering major and have been since like eighth grade?"
"Aren't you a sophomore, so shouldn't you know by now?"
"I thought the point of Core 100 was to tell you what your calling is.  You must have failed that class."
I know you're all thinking it, because I am too.  Quite a bit.

I've always been good at math.  I could delve into my ridiculously good grades throughout grade school arithmetic and my 7 consecutive appointments to the talented and gifted room.   But I don't want to brag.
In eighth grade, I had to research a career.  I chose engineering.  It seemed like the logical choice.  And it looked cool.  It looked like school, except with the subjects I didn't like replaced by math.  Turns out, I must have been a pretty bad researcher.  I did find out they got paid like crazy.  I researched that well.
In high school, math continued to pique my interest.  Other than a hidden love of poetry and writing ( that's not a joke), my favorite classes were the ones where everyone else got headaches and I hardly tried.  Then I got into computer programming and decided that was more fun that math problems.  But math problems were still fun.
After all of this, I come to Dordt College and find out that there's a computer-emphasis engineering major.  And I think that I just won the lottery.  I didn't mind sitting through drafting and mechanical parts ( the shaft/hole lecture seemed to be a favorite of some)  lectures that could put the Energizer bunny to sleep because I was a computer engineer; I wouldn't have to do that with my life.  But other than those lectures, we also talked about what it meant to be a Christian engineer because its Dordt and thats just what we do here.  And then the doubts started weaseling their way in.  We, the future Christian engineers, were assured that God was not separate from the mechanical, logical world of physics and calculus, and we could justify the development of new inventions because we were fulfilling God's call to explore and expand creation.  But I still wasn't sure what to think.
The debate in my was strengthened by my dislike and struggle with Physics and boredom in Intro to Engineering.  So far, my major looked pretty boring and very difficult.  So, I pondered long about switching, but ended up sticking with it.  During the second semester, I took a few computer-engineering oriented courses and fell in love with it.  My decision to stay with engineering was vindicated.  The world of logic ruled supreme, which made my logical brain pass out with happiness that finally something so absolute and unsubjective existed.
But lately, the doubts resurfaced. Except this time, they brought reinforcements.  Insane amounts of reinforcements.  Picture the battle at Minas Tirith;  God has the orcs and I have the Gondorians.  Oh, except that Gandalf, Aragorn, and everyone else important or with any fighting ability switched to the orcs' side.  Which basically means 100,000 orcs plus the main cast of LOTR and all the soldiers in Return of the King versus the children and the elderly.  Starting to see how one-sided this argument was?
Just a few months before, I was pretty well convinced I'd spend the rest of my life as a computer engineer, but with the nudging of a book and the prodding of my conscience and a slap in the face from the hand of God Almighty, I needed something much more.  To what end would I design computerized products?  Was I fulfilling the cultural mandate and "expanding God's creation" or feeding the tech-frenzied world with something faster and better that they didn't need and would probably cause them to be further robotized away from all things good?  I could not escape the thought of my arrival at Heaven, with God on the judgement seat, looking me in the eye and saying "What did you do with your life?" To which I say

Well, God, just look at these integrated circuit chips.  I made these!
Hey God, give me a separable differential equation and watch me solve it. You'll be impressed
What about those starving people who needed to be told the good news while I sat in my comfortable life, being comfortable?    uhhhhhh...

I know that there would be more to my life than just work, with a wife to love, children to raise, people to share my life with, but I feel like there are things God would rather have me do than spend 50 hours a week building technological artifacts that will be replaced and made obsolete within the decade.  How can I justify spending a life of comfort praying for people instead of actually doing something about it?   Aren't all these classes completely meaningless when it comes down to what really matters in life?


There are more questions than answers, because frankly, I don't have any answers.  My brain has been back and forth on the issue, and I'm stuck in the middle.  Part of me says that my revelation of sorts is just an extreme, and I really can follow the path I'm on now and wind up in heaven with the "good and faithful servant" speech ringing in my ears for eternity.  Part of me says that the only way to really follow God's call is to drop everything and take off for somewhere that needs a Savior.  Part of me says there's got to be some sort of a compromise of the two that doesn't compromise my faith.   But if so, am I in that happy medium?  Is my current lifestyle a watered down version of what I should be doing?  Is it completely wrong?    It's completely possible for others to justify it.  I'm sure many have found a way. But for me, it has become difficult.  Not impossible, just difficult.

What happens now?  I have no idea. I really don't.  Maybe I stick with engineering and live something along the lines of the American dream.  Maybe I switch majors and become a missionary.  Maybe neither.   My strength is logic, my weakness most of the time is people.  Not exactly a prime candidate for Christianity and shining your light, God.  But more and more I'm realizing that maybe that's the point.  It's not me.  It's the one working in me.  It's a lesson in trust.  It's a lesson in faith.  It's me finally figuring out that maybe the best way for God to use me is a way that involves as little of me as possible so that I can't get in the way of whatever it is he chooses to do.


My power is made perfect in weakness.        -God
 

Lately, death has been a heavy subject here in Jon's brain.  Not just death as the usual frightful or  relieving (depends on your perspective) event on the horizon, but death as the very real sudden force that drops down to earth and snatches away with no warning the ones we love.

It started this summer when a Dordt student that I used to be teammates with in high school cross country and soccer was killed during a climbing excursion in the Grand Tetons.  Brandon was a really funny guy and easy to like.  Go read the newspaper articles that quote Jim Eekhoff if you want to hear a testament about the kind of guy Brandon was.  Nothing unnerves you ( or your mother) quite like your friend getting phone call that someone you know who's about your age has gone missing in the mountains, especially when you're 500 miles from home on the first leg of a roadtrip on which your first stop is..mountains.  Your stomach drops when he gets a call half an hour later and the one-sided conversation between him and his phone gives away what you don't want to hear: the search party didn't find him.  They found his body.  It hurts to hear things like that.

Now today. An email this morning that a band member's father passed away unexpectedly.  Its difficult to imagine that happening, but it does.  You say goodbye to someone, leave for college, and the next time you come home they're not there anymore.

And now, even more.  This weekend, I became aware via facebook that a guy I used to play basketball against had been killed in a car crash.  This seems like something tragic, but not connected to me, other than a name that's stuck with me.  But its more than that.  I'm good with names, I guess you could say.  I like knowing people's names, for some reason, so I guess I tend to make an effort to know people's names.  Back in gradeschool, I looked at roster sheets at AAU basketball tournaments and connected the names with faces.  I can still name guys I played against that I've never talked to, never met, never had anything to do with them except playing basketball.  But not all the names are meaningless.  Sam Kruger was a guy I never officially met, but maybe talked to once or twice, I don't remember for sure.  But I respected that kid.  Sibley-Ocheyedan was a huge rival to SCCS's AAU team. They were one of the few teams that could beat us, so our games were intense.  But I cannot remember ever seeing him get out of control, lose his temper, or play dirty.  He played hard, but he played fair.  And I remember that.  And I remember thinking that he was  a great guy.  And I am sure he had no idea the impact he had on me.

And now, less than a decade later, I find out he was killed in a car crash.  Another kid my age taken from this world.  It was unsettling news.  Tonight, I found out he was a very good friend of Brandon Wilson, a guy who transfered to Dordt who I've become good friends with.  The tragedy increases.  I tell him I'm praying for him, and he tells me to pray more for the wing Sam lived on, where Sam was leading a Bible study to a lot of guys who didn't know Christ.  My junior-high suspicions proved correct.  Sam was everything he could be.  Everything I wish I could be.  But now he's gone.  I didn't even know him, but it he's left an impression on me.

The last couple hours have raised a lot of questions.  I don't doubt that God's got it under control, and neither does Brandon.  But it hurts to think about this. I didn't even know Sam, but it hurts; I can't imagine losing a friend who had years of his life ahead of him.  Even more, I can't begin to imagine losing my life right now.  Who's to say I won't?  Who's to say any of us won't?  I don't know what else to do but mournfully lift up those whose  hurt is far greater than mine, and thank the Lord for every second of life I and those I love have been given.  Its times like these we resolve to live life fully, to change the way we think and live so that if our time comes all too quickly, we will go in confidence that we've done our best and left no doubt in the minds of anyone we ever came into contact with that we lived, we breathed, we died, with one reason and one purpose.  And that's what I'm doing tonight.




Will you carry me down the aisle that final day?
With your tears and cold hands shaking from the weight
When you lower me down beneath that sky of gray
Let the rain fall down and wash away your pain


Save sorrow for the souls in doubt

World of Warcraft

Saturday, August 21.  A year ago I moved to college.  Not exactly a scary experience, considering I had several friends going and the college was closer to my house than my high school.  Still, an adventure.  Now, the next year of students is moving in.  Its crazy to think that a year ago, we were the clueless ones moving in with people we didn't know and being led around campus by upperclassmen who looked like they knew what they were doing.  Now I'm an upperclassmen who's supposed to look like he knows what he's doing.  We haven't started any official W.(eek) o.(f) W.(elcome) stuff other than moving people in, but we have our first discussion in an hour.  And thats what we hope it is.  A discussion.  Not just Jon and Bethany talking and waiting in awkward anticipation for that moment when someone will speak up and break the silence that hopefully won't be happening.  For someone who isn't the best at making conversation and doesn't always enjoy social situations, this will be an adventure.

Will there be a giant elephant in the room? Of course.  Its fourteen strangers expected to speak about their personal experiences and who they are.  Fourteen different personalities, fourteen different stories, fourteen opportunites for successfully helping an adjustment to college or failing to help them when they needed it most.  So no pressure.

dear mom

After becoming accustomed to her newly-minted facebook account, my mother has found my blog.  And read it.  You're so creepy, Mom.    Just kidding.  Had to throw that in there for fun.

Anyways mum told me i should keep blogging, a thought i've had bouncing around my head for the last...since whenever my last post was.   I'm just saying, this new habit will probably die as soon as i finish this post.  but i just got out of Inception.  It's absolutely brilliant.  (SPOILER ALERT).  Hm, feels like that should have gone in a different order.  My bad.

but i knew it was futile to try to go straight to bed after seeing that mind-bending movie.  So now that i've dipped my brain in facebook sludge for the last  half hour i think i can sleep.  That was the main goal of going on my computer.  That and going to bed at midnight on a Friday night feels strange.  I'm sure it would feel marvelous on Saturday mornings, but oh well.  Anyways, Inception.  Awesome.  A movie based around the dream world. Sometimes which is based around the dream world created inside the dream world.  And so on.  At points it reminded me of Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind, which I also loved.  The movies differ in setting ( memories vs. dreams)  but they still seemed similar to me, maybe just because I love them both.  I'm a pretty poor movie critic but I'm betting on a Best Movie Oscar nod.  If it doesn't win best movie...Well, that doesn't really mean anything to me.  But I doubt any movie the rest of this year will be able to top that.  Brilliant

Five CT scans, four IV catheter needle pokes, three shots in the butt

Being a college student, the obvious topic of conversation and easy conversation starter was "So what are you doing for spring break?"  Almost every time I responded with a joyful recognition that yes, I was going home and was looking forward to being lazy and not doing homework 24/7.  Until Tuesday night.  When I got invited to go on a roadtrip by some high school friends.  A roadtrip to Phoenix, Vegas and San Diego.  All in a span of four days.  Ridiculous? Yes.  But we were going to make it fun and crazy.  We had been on miniature road trips and had a blasty blast.  This one was massive in comparison to those, but I figured it was an extremely rare chance to get to do something crazy awesome with some friends.  We ended up modifying the trip to make it more reasonable (mostly thanks to Trevor's pleading and urging).  Mom and Dad didn't even put up a fight.  It was so easy it was weird.  So I was getting my hopes up and prepping for an awesome now-5-day trip across our beautiful country.

Then this morning I woke up and felt like my appendix was going to explode.  Half an hour later (of course immediately after calling my mom), the pain went away.  Strange, but totally ok.  Until half an hour later when my back started hurting and I got nauseas.  And kept getting worse and worse till I was in extreme pain.  My dad brought me to the doc and we found out I have a kidney stone.  I actually have two but ones still in the kidney which is completely fine, except that that means I'll have to get it out sometime in the future as well. 

Instead of doing surgery, they're making me do it myself.  No, not do it myself as in perform surgery on myself, but I have to pee it out sometime, otherwise there will be surgery.  I almost wish they would have said surgery, so I could just get it over with instead of waiting and waiting and feeling pretty crappy.  It would also be way easier for me, although I don't think I would enjoy one quite invasive method of the procedure my dad reassuringly told me about while we waited (use your imagination).  Besides, health conditions are way more epic when you need surgery. 

So..spring break is looking a lot like the original plan, minus working for now.  Its really disappointing, because I was looking forward to being spontaneous instead of cautious and calculating like usual.  But I guess thats not the plan, so I'm gonna try to make the best of it while waiting to pee out a coconut. 

I can finally say this without getting tagged as a mopey, bitter man

I do not like Valentine's day. 


I've never been allowed to say that, because I've always been single on V-day.  And if you say you hate valentine's day while you're single, people automatically assume you're bitter and lonely.  They would have been so right, because I was always so bitter and lonely on V-day.  Every year.  Boy, was I miserable.  Not. 

I just never got why it turned into such a big deal.  Couples automatically got all mushy come this time of year and went to great lengths to have the perfect valentine date.  Single people moped around and whined about how they didn't have anything to do on valentine's day with anyone special.  It's stupid.  Why does a certain day of the year have to bring that out?  Life is normal, then suddenly its February 14 and most people freak out like they're either getting married the next day or they're going to die alone because on this one day out of their whole lives they don't have that someone special right now. 
Maybe i'm just cynical.  sure i guess it's nice for people to be able to have a special day.  it's a good reason for some quality time with your significant other.  I just don't like what it does to the single people.  Or more laccurately, what they do with it.  I was single for every other valentine's day  of my life, and i was fine.  Me and my (non-taken) boys would treat it just like every other saturday  night when the other guys had dates.  We survived.  Somehow.
 Valentine's day should just be less of a big deal.  But as long as ads can suck consumers into chocolate and flower spending sprees,  I don't think it'll die down.


then again, there's  a giant basket of cookies and candy on my desk from my mom. 

maybe valentine's day isn't so bad.

I guess I DO have a loyal reader

Jordan Vogel is awesome.

Something Catchy to Grab your Attention

Well..I was finally going to put the link to this on facebook to draw in a huge fanbase and loyal readers and stuff.  And then i realized that when i added the link, it showed my latest blog.  Whose first words involved "Core 100".  At that point, I thought to myself, "Wow, what a great way to make anyone at Dordt College lose interest in my blog immediately."  Hence, this post.  Just filler.  To suck you all in to read this.  And in this case, "all" likely consists of three people.  Maybe four if I'm lucky. 

The other day I realized that most of the time when I write in here, my blogs talk mostly about blogging.  And here I am again, blogging about blogging.  I'll try to stop that.  But no promises.  Please keep reading?

Redemption's Song

This was for my Core 100 project.  I know, I know, its Core 100, I didn't need to try so hard, but once I got started I wanted it to be good.  Whether it is or not is debatable and up to you.  As with that other super long thing I wrote, this is meant to tell a story, so the rhyming might be subpar.  Oh, and this is exaggerated to make a point.  So when it seems extreme, thats why.  and stuff





Just below heaven and right above hell

Mankind is caught in between where he dwells

We are the children of Adam and Eve

Who’ve followed their footsteps by being deceived

Created and cared for by God’s loving hand

That kept us from falling before we could stand

But we took the promises given to us

And threw them away and we tore down his trust

We turned our backs on the hope that we had

And left him behind as we never looked back

We lost ourselves wandering through the night

Stumbling further away from the light

Refusing to listen to that guiding voice,

We’ve set all our traps on our own legs by choice

You come to us, begging us only to stay

But you find us crawling the opposite way

You’ve offered us hope in return for our lives

A chance at rebirth and an end to the fight

But our swollen eyes are too blind to behold

Our one chance at rescue from this hellish hole

You stand at the top of the pit where we lay

Where we’ve dug out holes that will soon become graves

You’ve thrown us a rope and you’ve offered us help

But we take the rope and instead hang ourselves

We’ve burned every bridge made for us to get home

And instead choose to drown in the waters below

But in comes the mercy that holds us afloat

And grace like a viper that won’t let us go

What once seemed irrep’rable begins to mend

When Angels like ambulances now descend

Cherubim sing like the sirens that sound

“What once had been lost is eternally found”

They wing me above from the hell down below

And pick up the pieces of me as they go

Ascension so swift and so far from my death

To places much greater than from where I left

Broken and beaten, I’m laid on the clouds

And brought up above where a voice cries aloud

“My child, what is it you’ve done to yourself?

What is this disaster you’ve brought on yourself?

I formed your frail body when you were conceived

And made you like me so that you could be free

So what are these chains doing tied ’round your limbs

And whose are these shackles that bind up your hands?

I gave you a life and my love from the start

But you took my promise and tore it apart

I made you, my child, but now you’ve gone astray

You lived in my fold but you wandered away”

At this I cry out as I fall to my knees

“Oh God, can there be any mercy for me?

You gave me your all and I gave you my worst

Your love I’ve trampled and your name I’ve cursed

I’ve broken your heart and betrayed you again

I’m sorry for everything I ever did”

But from his right hand came a man much like me

With holes in his hands and scars on his feet

He looked at me sadly as tears wet his cheeks

He stepped to me as he spoke these words to me

“I know who you are and I know where you’ve been

I’ve walked down the same beaten path you once did

Temptations you’ve felt and the choices you’ve faced

I’ve walked through those trials, but never betrayed

And though you have faltered and fallen instead

I’ve helped you back up time and time again

I wept for you, bled for you, suffered and died

Only so that I could give you new life”

“But how can you love me with all that I’ve done?

I’m no more to you than your prodigal son

My voice yelled loudest to urge your arrest

My hands held hammers that nailed through your flesh ”

I looked at Him hopelessly, turning away

He turned me around and he stopped me to say

“My love for you has no beginning or end

I’ve cared for you since long before time began

And now that you’re here, you won’t ever forget

The mercy I’ve shown you that canceled your debts

So lift up your head, wipe the tears from your face

Son, you’re forgiven for all your mistakes”

I cannot believe all these things I’ve just heard

I cannot describe what I’ve witnessed with words

I stand before God and the angels above

Amazed by the reaches and depths of this love

The judge and the jury are at my defense

And show the accusers my new innocence

The curse has been lifted, the devil brought down
Hell and her fury cannot touch us now

Never again will I come to see harm

Forever I’m held in my God’s loving arms

Choirs of angels sing redemption’s song

While my father faithfully carries me on

The end

"i'm going to live again"

today i stopped home to grab some cold meds and my phone rebate(long overdue). This past Sunday my Grandma Bierma was hospitalized with pneumonia and the last week has been spent basically waiting for her to pass away. This isn't a sudden development because ..well, to put it simply, she's old. She's spent 92 years on earth, and recently, each one of those years has weighed down on her health. I think our whole family has been anticipating this day, and not anticipating in the excited sense of the word, but has seen this day coming, especially in the last several years. On my sixteenth birthday, she passed out in our living room chair, and ever since, I've slowly been preparing myself for when this would happen, and now it is. At home my mom stopped in the house in the middle of calf chores, and just reminded me again of how uncertain the next few days are. After talking to her a little bit, I drove back to Dordt, and since its cold and I rarely use my car, I don't leave any cd's in my car. Driving in silence is not often something I relish, so naturally, I turned on the radio. Confession: I usually skip over the Christian music station in my browsing. The music doesn't always interest me, and I usually use it as a backup plan. However, today I checked it and the song Smile by Chris Rice was on.


blogger is being ridiculous and not letting me copy and paste

but the chorus goes

i just wanna be with you

i just want this waiting to be over

i just wanna be with you

and it helps to know the day is getting closer

every minute takes an hour

every inch feels like a mile

till i won't have to imagine

and i finally get to see you smile

and the second verse:

my journey's here but my heart is there

so i dream and wait, and keep the faith, while you prepare

our destiny, till you come back for me

oh, please make it soon

After my grandpa died 7 years ago, I distinctly remember hearing this same song on the radio. And I remember feeling the same comfort from it that I did today. While this song is more about our time left on earth and hoping for heaven, so it would seem to be a great song for those us with years and years left on the earth. However, here it felt so applicable to a dying grandmother. She's spent ninety-two years toiling her way through the good times and bad of this life, and it appears that her days of struggle will soon be over. Her wait is short, and her journey is almost done, but she's about so see what we should be hoping to see. She can sing this song more authentically than anyone else I know.

We rarely think of life as a time where we wait to go to heaven. Our lives are like standing in line at Walmart with the coolest product we could possibly imagine, just waiting for finally be checked out and get to use this sweet product. We should be excited and want to get through the line so we can finally open up the box and rip out the packing products and own it, but we're so occupied with standing in line that we forget what the point of standing in line is. We distract ourselves the whole way to the register, looking at magazines or grabbing a few more trinkets to buy, occasionally letting other people go before us. We stall as long as we can, choosing to just stand there with the box instead of checking out and opening it to what's inside.

Maybe thats a bad metaphor, but I feel like that's how I'm living my life, and that's how a lot of us do. Do I really just want this waiting to be over? I can't say I'm spending my life anticipating leaving this world, and if I was told "the day is getting closer" I'd be freaked out that my death was coming up(and even more creeped out someone knew that), not excitedly waiting to go.

My extended family has exchanged many emails the past few days, and one included some of the few things my grandma has been able to speak during her periods of consciousness when my uncle, her oldest son, was with her this morning. She said in distress,

"I'm going to die. I'm going to die"

Seconds later, she spoke again.

"I'm going to live again. I'm going to live again."

Oh Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight

The clouds be rolled back as a scroll

The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend

Even so, it is well with my soul

surprise!

thats right, loyal readers, your eyes aren't fooling you.
I've decided to try to start blogging again. exciting, isn't it. I originally started this blog because I thought it'd be a nice way to let out all those pent-up thoughts online on a blog where no one would read them. Well, either those thoughts obviously didn't need to be released all that badly, or I didn't have the time or desire to write them. When I quit, I thought to myself, "when you're a college student with loads of free time and inspirational deep thoughts, you'll blog more". "You'll be so bored you'll have nothing better to do but blog". "you will be a sophisticated young man attending college and your words will be read by all those other sophisticated college students whose blogs you'll also read." False. ha. free time? False. Its hard to be bored with no free time and girls who force you to hang out with them(which i guess is an ok problem to have). False. I am not sophisticated. And do not currently read any blogs.
So why start blogging again?
Beats me. Maybe this will last even shorter than it did last time. Maybe I'm just thinking I'll start again because I'm very bored on this Sunday evening, but when real life starts again, this will fall to the bottom of the priority list(don't be surprised if that happens). but maybe I'll keep writing. Just because I enjoy it. And maybe you will too.

I wrote that week ago..and i'm just posting it now. i thought about just not posting that and pretending i never wrote it and leaving the blog out in the cold even longer. but obviously i decided to try it. wish me luck.